AO: The Trident

August 22, 2023  

79 degrees, feels like 90. Hot, heavy, sticky and quite frankly…. Disgusting. Perfect morning for a beatdown  

PAX- TC, Kielbasa, Waterboy, Room Service, Saul, Rollbar, Speed Bump, Davinci, Da Fridge, Super Tasty, Mrs. B, Canadian Bacon, Pregame, Armbra, Chiclets, Ice T, Big One, Switchfoot, Skipper, FDIC, Wait Time  

Q: Roadhouse  

My alarm went off at 4:45 and as I sat up in my bed and shook off the sleep from my body, I noticed something odd about my bedroom windows. I could not see out of them. They were fogged over and very moist. This was not a great omen for what was to come later in the gloom.  

The weather had been miserable all week. Thick and muggy. When I walked outside it felt like someone threw a warm wet towel over my head and immediately started waterboarding me with even warmer water. In a word, it was gross.  

But even this terrible weather could not diminish the excitement I had to be back on the Q at the Trident. It was my home, my baby. Not only is I the closest F3 site to my house but it is my favorite. I love the vibe, I love the campus, I love the men who show up here. The coffee is awful, but everything else is everything I want in a site.  

I arrived a little before 5 am and saw two cars in the lot. One was Armbra, who was Smurphing by himself. BEASTMODE!! Great job brother! The other car belonged to my friend Tango Charley, AKA TC! He was looking for a pre-run but I was there to walk. He decided that would do and joined me for a great walk around the neighborhood. We had a terrific chat and caught up on life. Thanks for the walk TC! I love you brother!  

By the end of the walk, a nice thick layer of moisture had formed on my sleeveless arms. It was only the beginning.  

We returned to the shovel flags and a group of men had started to form. By 5:30 AM there were 22 of us in total. A terrific number for such a moist morning. I limped through the intro. 3 Fs. 5 core principles. I even nailed the mission, a rare occurrence for me. I let the group know I was not a professional and with that… we moseyed.  

We moseyed to the parking lot in the Northwest corner of the Trident and circled up for Warm-a-rama. My plan was to run a lot this morning so it felt like a good time to stretch.        


Big Ones

Toe Touches

Downward Dog

Reach to the Sky and Stretch  

It felt really good to stretch and on a hot and muggy morning, it felt necessary before we launched into our beatdown. I instructed the PAX to mosey down to the Centris parking lot and with, we took off. As we got half way down the hill, the moisture had extended to my back and starting down my butt crack. This was too early in the beat down for ass sweat. But I continued.  

We circled up in the Centris lot and I told the group it was time for some Merkin Mania.  

Merkin Mania:

10 Merkins

10 Werkins

10 Ranger Merkins

10 Diamond Merkins

10 Chuck Norris Merkins  

There were some groans as we finished and I think I even heard a “what the fuck was that?” 50 Merkins to start the workout in this heat was aggressive in hindsight but we are better for it.  

After the Merkins we went for a long mosey. Around the round-about, up past the Islamic temple, by the Tri-Faith Center, past the Christian church and into the back parking lot of the church. The moisture was starting to spread and my legs were now dripping as well.  

We circled up and started some leg work. There was no counting as I wanted some mumblechatter. So instructed the PAX to start some air squats while I peppered the group with question. Here is what we found out.

  • Speed Bump has lost 40 pounds since he started F3. Great job brother.
  • Armbra named his two kittens Cleo and Coco- Very manly.
  • Nursing school is going well for Kielbasa
  • FDIC dropped his daughter off for college and she is doing well
  • Da Fridge predicts 12 wins for the Chicago bears this season. This was met with mockery and laughter but clearly this group has not seen their schedule (second easiest in the NFL) and has not seen the progress Justin Fields has made this offseason. I approve his prediction.
  • Ice T predicts 12 wins for the Notre Dame football team this year
  • And Room Service. He is doing good, he said with a smile. Great to have you back in the gloom brother!


Air Squats

Bobby Hurleys

Jump Squats  

The jump squats definitely took my moisture situation to the next level. My arms, legs, back, ass and feet were drenched. I reached up to wipe my brow and found my head to be leaking water. My hat was soaked and my hair was dripping wet.    

After the leg work, we continued our mosey and our tour of the trident. We ran up the hill and around to the parking lot at the Synagogue. Here we circled up and did some shoulder work.    


20 Cherry Pickers

20 Moroccan Nightclubs

50 Air Presses  

After the shoulder station, we ran down the path and headed to Abraham’s bridge. He took the West route and made our way to the top of the bridge. I had the PAX line up and we all did three deep breathes. And with that, we moseyed again. Up the hill and around until we got to the ramp to the parking garage.

It was time for some Mary… with a twist. We ran down the ramp and did 2 core exercises. Then ran back up and as we started to circle up, some cars started pulling in. So I called an audible and guided us back to the flags to finish Mary. By the time we got to the flags the moisture had spread everywhere. My undies were ruined. My nut puddle larger than ever and my entire undercarriage was a veritable swampland. What a morning!  


20 LBCs

20 Freddy Mercurys

20 Flutter Kicks

Hammers Rancid Style  

And with that… we were done. We were hot, we were moist but we were done.  


I really fucked up my first attempt at NOR. I forgot where I was and started a normal video. Luckily, Keilbasa called me a stupid asshole and told me to start all over. That is a real leader right there. I turned the camera and started selfie-rama.    


2 new sites starting in Bennington next month  

TC has joined F3 nation advisory council. T claps brother.  


Rollbar’s mother in law had a stroke last week. Keep her in prayers.  

Skipper’s parents ended up in the hospital this weekend. Pray for them.  

Super Tasty’s wife is having heart surgery today.  


For as long as I can remember I have had an insatiable desire and need to be loved. I wanted everyone to love me and I could never have enough people who liked me or loved me or wanted to be around me.  

The result of this was that the people who mattered the most, got left behind or did not get the time and energy they deserved or needed. I would win people over, get them into my circle and then move on to the next group to woo. If you need any witnesses to this behavior, my two ex-wives would be more than willing to testify…  

This year I have been reflecting on this pattern and this behavior and have decided to focus more time and energy on the people that matter the most. The people that I love and the people who deserve the energy from me.  

Two of those people that I feel like I have not been great with is my brothers. Dave and Tony are both older than me and over the last few years I have pulled away from them. I have not been there like I should have and I have not been the brother that I know I can be.  

I have instead been clouded by their decisions I did not agree with or their flaws that I ironically also have. I have created negative dominant thoughts about both of them and it has led to our relationships suffering.    

My mom recently said to me, “Your brothers are the only ones who have the same memories as you.” And that really hit me. For all of our challenges and differences, only we three can say we grew up the way we did. Only we three can relive those childhood memories. We went though it together and nothing will ever replace that.  

So I am trying to spend more time with them. Deliberate time with just them. And I hope I can start being the brother that I know I can be and candidly that I am to you guys but not to them.  

So here is my challenge. Whether it is a sibling, a parent, a friend, a lover, a child or anyone in your life, think about who really needs your time and energy and who really matters to you. And god dammit, spend some time with them. Life is too short and they are too important!  

I love you guys!  

Roadhouse, CLB

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