AO: Block Party
Date: March 17, 2023
Weather: 21 degrees with 15 mph winds which made it Cold as Fook!
PAX: 55 – Toadstool, Longneck, Huffy, Vandelay (Respect), Robinhood, Lincoln Log(Respect, Respect), Crabcakes, Steeple, Kryptonite, LPC, Scoober, Griswold, Tardy, Pegleg, Yodel, Duracell, Bayside, Kickstand, Lite Brite, FNG-PieMan, Sasquatch, Beaver, Boji, FNG-Beamer, Escobar, DaKine, FNG-Virginia Slim, Ozark(Respect), Ketchup, Cheapseats, SVB, Supe, T Party, Urkle, Old Spice, Da Fridge, Tonight Show, Hardhat, Jumpstreet, Babyshoes, Wait Time(Respect), Barbershop, Obiwan, O’Muffs, Barndoor, O’Patten(Respect), Honey Stinger, Chiclets(Respect), Thomas, Golden Pond, Rowdy, Blades of Glory, Smelly Cat, Fine Print, The Duke of Douchebag
The Q’s: The Duke of Douchebag, his uncle the Earl of Douchebag, and long-lost cousin Smelly O’Cat
On or about February 30th, I, the Noble Duke of Douchebag petitioned the high council for a convergence of all the ages at the Block Party on 3/17/23. This was immediately struck down as the Monarch and his jesters stated that would be too much for the common citizens of F3 Omaha. However, it was decided that we would be granted a one-time waiver of a 3 Site convergence cleverly nicknamed “The Clover Convergence” by one Fine Print. Yodel objected to the name but since he is an Australian Peasant, no one listened. So, it was said, that 3/17/23 would be known as the Clover Convergence at the Block Party with Fancy Feast and The Armory.
I left my castle at 4:35AM to head to the fields of the Grove when I noticed a knight in shining armor at the Fancy Feast. I pulled in and saw a man of great wealth and honor, one Sir Hard Hat manning the Shovel flag to let all who come, that Fancy Feast is not to be on this fine crisp morning. A Man of great wealth and honor, he is also a man of integrity as well. I thanked him and went along my way following behind my uncle who strolled aimlessly down the Road known as One Hundred and Eightieth. Arriving at the Grove I was pleased to see so many fine citizens coming for the Pre-Run and Ruck. Unfortunately, I did not see the leader of this Site who was slated to arrive at 5:00AM. Earl and I, set up cones, coupons and worked out the final details of the festival that was only 30 minutes away. Blades of Glory arrived and after 37 attempts, figured out how to sync my device to his speaker. Thank you BOG!
My phone hit 5:29 and we had everything set up except for the Guinness station but this would have to wait for another 31 minutes.
As the clock hit 5:30, I yelled “Grab a fooking coupon, Lads!!!” I believe most neighbors heard this as well.
With a coupon in hand, I started my usual, its 5:30 Lads, let’s do 5 Curls on me up!
I welcomed all to the Block Party for the Clover convergence, 5 curls on my up.
Alright Lads, I am the Duke of Douchebag, along with my Uncle Earl of Douchebag and Smelly O Cat, my cousin, we are the Q’s, 5 Curls on me up!
This is F3 Lads, 5 Curls!
F3 stands for Fitness, fellowship, and faith, 5 curls.
I stated the 5 core principles, 5 curls.
I yelled at Tonight Show since he wasn’t doing anything and asked him to cite the Mission Statement of F3, which he did like a Royal, then I yelled again, 5 curls on me up.
Yelled at Ketchup to give me the Credo, which he did but not as smooth as Tonight Show, 5 curls on me up.
During this time, a lonely peasant who was out for a stroll and a smoke was stopped by one Ozark, but the peasant just kept going.
I asked if there were any FNGs and surprisingly even though we didn’t have our Site Q there, we did have 2 FNG’s that were. I welcomed them and said Sorry for my yelling and cursing and then said Fook it, 5 curls on me up.
I asked Earl to give us the disclaimer who stated, we were not professionals and there was risk of injury and then I yelled again, 5 curls on me up.
After the intro, I asked a trivia question: Why did God invent Whiskey? Without skipping a beat, Boji answered with “So the Irish wouldn’t rule the world!!” I said “You Fooking right lad, 5 curls on me up!!”
I handed the Q over to Smelly O Cat who led us in Warm O Rama.
15 of each – Side Straddle O’Hops, Tappy Tap the Keg, Michael Phillips, Bonnie Blairs, Apollo Ono’s
We were still looking out for Fine Print, and since he was nowhere to be seen, I instructed the Pax to head to the field for the Pre-Thang
“They are always after me Lucky Charms”
Due to the popularity of meself, we did not anticipate this many PAX, so we had to call a slight audible.
PAX that had bricks would do “Don’t crush me lucky charms” aka Nut Crackers. Lunge from one cone to the other while smashing the bricks between their legs during their lunge. The others would do 5 Blockees, and then run to the other cone with or without the coupon. The goal was for each PAX to switch back and forth. We did this for about 4 rounds. During this time, Ozark again tried to get the wanderer to join us. Unlike his attempts with girls in high school, Ozark succeeded and our 3rd FNG of the day joined us. But before the 3rd FNG joined, he smashed out his cigarette on the sidewalk. Yes folks, he was just out for a stroll and a smoke. After this occurred Griswold got in touch with Fine Print who said he was on his way, only 25 minutes late to his own site……his own site…in which he had one job today which was to bring the Beer.
I called Omaha and Handed the Q over to Earl who had the PAX count off into 3’s.
We headed back to the flags for the THANG.
Three Leaf Clover Beatdown
- Station 1-Arms -PUSH GROUP
- 15 – Kiss the Blarney Stone (OVHD Press w/ coupon)
- 15 – Curls for the Lassies
- 15 – O’Merkins
- Station 2-Core
- 15 yards and back – Pot o’ Gold Carry (coupon carry)
- 15 – Guinness Burpees (they are magically delicious!)
- 15 IC – Three Leaf Clover Pickers
- Station 3-Legs
- 15 IC – Riverdance (Goof Balls)
- 15 IC – Leprechaun leaps (Super Mario’s)
- 15 IC – St. Patrick squats (Sumo Squats)
- RINSE & REPEAT
With only 13 minutes left in our workout, Fine Print arrived. The arrival of Fine Print for most of the PAX was equivalent to us as kids seeing Santa Claus at the Mall. But Fine Print’s presents were 3 cases of Guinness. Before the last case was even placed on the picnic table, the first case was finished. Huffy appeared to be the first to shotgun one, which was not at all part of the beatdown, but we are freed to lead.
I Called Omaha and we immediately went to the parking lot for Mary:
Due to the size of the group, we only had time for one exercise which was Irish Hammers (American).
Name O Rama
Naming of the FNGs – 1st FNG entered the circle and after stating he loved cars and that he drove a Beamer to the workout, he was christened Beamer. 2nd FNG entered, who immediately went into where he was from, which was Eustis, NE, a small town outside Lexington. Someone from the PAX knew it well and mentioned Village PieMaker, and our 2nd FNG was named PIEMAN. After googling Eustis (to make sure I was spelling it correctly) PieMan is lucky he didn’t mention that Eustis is known as the Sausage capitol of Nebraska because to be frank, I believe his nickname could have been a lot wurst. And finally, our 3rd FNG who was out for an early smoke entered. He was still unsure of his surroundings and simply mentioned his name in his English accent as Liam Anderson. Immediately, Wait Time yelled out Virginia Slim due to Liam’s smoking habit, and his belly, which some could have seen as an insult, but our FNG took it in stride. Knowing we were running out of time; I couldn’t have thought of a better nickname, so I shut it down immediately without Liam saying another word. There are times we wonder if an FNG will be back or not, so I am going to go out on a limb and say Virginia Slim may not be back. I like to call FNG’s that were EH’d during a beatdown. I like to welcome them back but after dialing the number he gave me, 402-555-5555, I could never get him to answer nor get his Voicemail. I will try again tomorrow.
Asked for announcements and Prayers but only heard one that was yelled by Cheapseats and that we are still collecting Cereal boxes for Rohwer elementary school.
COT: Since I believe the COT is somewhat sacrilegious, I transformed before the PAX’s eyes to Mufasa. Some say that is a douchebag move but it had to be done. I talked about that tomorrow; March 18th will mark the 10th anniversary of a very good friend of mine’s passing. On March 18, 2013, I was at a light on 176th and Q, about to turn left onto Q. I remember it like it was yesterday but while I was waiting for the light to change, something told me to look to my right where the passenger seat is and look at my mail, I had just picked up 20 minutes earlier. It was odd that I had this feeling because it was like someone was telling me, to take my time and look to my right. After a few seconds I looked up and the light had changed green, but I still did not proceed and again paused a second and at that moment, a car blows right through the light driving about 100 mph. If I would have turned left, I don’t think I would be typing this COT right now. So, I turned left and immediately called a friend, who was also an employee of mine and told him what had just happened. He said God was looking out for me. It was so weird to me and amazing that I had to tell someone that this just happened because I know if I didn’t look down and take my time for whatever reason, I would have been t-boned. Later that night, at 10:01, my phone rings and I look at the caller ID and it is another buddy of mine, who had moved to Oklahoma 6 or so months prior for a new job. I thought this was a very odd time for him to call and being the Man that I am, I immediately answered the phone and said “Geesh what the heck are you calling me for?” with a laugh in my voice. Unfortunately, it was not my buddy but my buddy’s wife who informed me through the tears, that my friend of 12 years was killed in a motorcycle accident tonight. I was shocked, I was sad, I was mad. She told me this accident occurred when a young girl who was turning left, did not see my buddy and he slammed into her car, killing him instantly. I remember her telling me the details and I asked when did this happen and she told me the time. The time was 7:07PM. After hanging up the phone, I immediately started crying and as I wiped away the tears, I looked down at my phone and noticed, that I had called my employee earlier that night at 7:08 to tell him how I was about to turn left, and I didn’t. 7:07 my buddy passes away, 7:08 someone tells me not to turn. Now I know for a fact, there are no Coincidences with God, so I am going to say with pure confidence that my buddy was up in heaven and nudged God to say, that guy, Michael down there, as you know God, he may be a douchebag (and the nicest guy) but tell him to hold up for one second. We may only have one minute, one day, one month, one year or even one decade left in this world, so make sure you live life to the fullest. Have fun, be a douchebag, be a clown, be the nicest guy in the world, be whatever you want but just now, life changes fast and it is way too short.
I closed us out in Prayer with an Irish Blessing:
May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face;
the rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again,
may God hold you in the palm of His hand.
Slainte Lads! Special shout out to Lite Brite, Yodel, Fine Print and Smelly O Cat. And a Big Thank you to Earl of Douchebag aka Lincoln Log for doing a bang up job with our beatdown today. Thanks fellas!