Elkhorn Ridge Middle School

21 degrees, real feel was 9, crazy cold wind blowing, big moon in the west sky, perfect for a Halloween Q

PAX- Longneck, Boji, Devito, Dojo, Big One, Speed Bump, Sandworm, Turtle, Storm Chaser, Sasquatch, Billboard, Jump Street, Killians, Baby Back, Greenhouse, Steeple, Smelly Cat, Starlord, Barbershop, Teleprompter, Tee Ball, Slow Pitch, Da Fridge, Sgt. Pencil, Lemu, Big Unit, Gator, Wait Time

Q: Roadhouse

This one had been on the calendar for a long time. Longneck had texted me on August 28th to see if I would be interested in Q’ing the Halloween Spooktacular. I thought about it for about half a second and responded with a simple, “I’d love to!” Then I texted him, “Costumes Mandatory”.

Two months later here we were and after a warm fall so far, the weather had taken a turn. The temperature when I woke was 21 degrees but the real feel was 9. In the words of Mr. Rooney, NINE!!! I will be honest with you, if I was not Qing this morning, I would have stayed home. This was some bullshit!

I pulled into the lot at the Whetstone at 4:30 AM. I was the first one there. I had only been to this site one time and had never Q’d there so I had to get a feel for the grounds. I k new what the beatdown was going to be but I didn’t know where. I walked around the site and cold air pierced through my soul. It was fucking cold.

I found a wall that would work and then moseyed down to the track to take a look around. It felt like this was the place for what I had planned. I took a few laps around the field and then made my way back to the flags.  

Slowly, the PAX started to arrive. I could not help but smile as I saw the costumes walking towards me. I saw a creepy clown, Mike Wazowski, Elvis, John Elway, John Wick, a hippie from the 60’s, a cow, a penguin, Mario and Luigi, and many more spooks! This was going to be fun! The in the darkness, I saw it coming closer. I could not make it out at first but as he approached, there was no denying it. It was Giant Cock and it was coming fast!

At 5:15, I welcomed the PAX and rolled through the intro. 3 Fs. Five core principles. I forgot the mission. Missed the credo. I did hand out some warnings tho. Number 1- there was a giant cock amongst us. Please take caution. Number 2- there was also a guy in a chicken costume. Number 3- Slow Pitch was wearing his Busch Beer jacket from the 90s and it still smelled like the many women that he devoured while wearing that jacket. And finally, I was not a professional.

With that we moseyed to the North lot for some Warm-a-rama.


Silent SSHs

Big Ones

Deep Stretches

Imperial Walkers


After WAR, we moseyed to the South wall for the first part of the pre-thang. It was time for some wall work.


10 Donkey Kicks

10 Chicken Peckers

10 Australian Mountain Climbers

10 Balls to the wall

My costume on this morning was a Ghostbuster, specifically Egon Spengler. As part of the costume I wore a black backpack and during the wall work, it kept falling on my head. The rest of the workout was a bit of a blur and I will be spending the next week in concussion protocol.

After one round I asked a couple trivia questions. I asked Big One who was the best Quarterback in NFL history. His response, Horse Teeth John Elway. It also happened to be his costume. I then asked the PAX to give me the four names of the Ghostbusters. This was a struggle. They got Peter Venkman right away, then Egon Spangler, I had to help with Winston Zeddeman and no one got Ray Stantz. No One!  It was shocking and disappointing.

I then told the story of how I became Egon on this chilly morning. The Ghostbusters costume I got came with all four nametags. I obviously chose Venkman because Bill Murray is the coolest human being ever. My son Bodhi then asked the question that changed everything. “Did Venkman have glasses Dad?” Son of a bitch! This little shit is observant. I guess not Bodhi… I guess I will be Egon!

We did one more set of Wall Work and then moseyed to the West side of the school. It was time to get sexy and this is where things got really fun. We circled up and started with some Howls at the Moon. Then I called for pickle pushers. I started the exercise and then look up to see Speed Bump directly in front of me. He had the giant cock costume and seeing him drive this huge inflatable chicken into the ground with each thrust was a sight I will not soon forget. Nor do I want to! I told the PAX to stop and just watch him and they did. And to his credit, he never stopped! Some guys took pictures, other videos, and all of us were fully aroused!

Now it was time for the Thang and I called an audible on the location. Because the track was so dark, I changed to the parking lot which was fully lit. These men put too much effort into these costumes to work out in the dark. It was time to grind.


The Thang was a two man grinder. One man would do Merkins and Core work AMRAP style while the other did a lap around the parking lot. This could go on until Omaha was called.

30 minutes into the Thang, I looked at my phone to see what time it was and it was 5:30. How is that humanly possible? We did WAR, wall work, sexy pre-thang and part of the Thang all in about 15 minutes. As the morning got colder and colder, time was literally standing still. The only good part of the Thang was I got to catch up with my friend Gator! It had been too long my friend! Love you dude!

Finally I had had enough. Omaha was called and I decided to throw a curveball at the PAX. We went back to the wall and did wall sits while each person had to run to the front of the group and share their favorite Halloween costume ever! Some were funny. Others were disturbing. And Longneck’s was extraordinary! And my thighs were burning much like my pee would later that day…

The clock got closer to 6 am and we headed back to the shovel flags. We finished and we finished together.


This NOR was my favorite of all time. The costumes were just so good!


Lots of shovel flag passes upcoming.

Turley Trot at the Maize


Lots of prayers were shared this morning. People are hurting and need our support.


I heard a question recently on a podcast that resonated with me. “How do you utilize your uniqueness?”

I think this struck me so because for a long time, I tried to be someone I wasn’t. I tried to be other people. I tried to be like my brothers. Or my friends. Or whoever my latest girlfriend or wife wanted me to be. Or whoever I thought was fucking cool at the time.

I did the same thing when I joined F3.  I tried too hard to be like some of the other guys:

I wanted to be a leader like wait time. I wanted to be funny like Slow Pitch. I wanted to be a great dad like Big One. I wanted hair like Gator.  I wanted a huge cock like Speed Bump

All along, ignoring what truly made me special. My uniqueness.

There is only one you. One combination of traits, quirks, talents, fears, skills, personality. Only one.  Only one version of you in the entire universe.

So my question is this- what are you doing with it? Are you celebrating it? Utilizing it? Exploring it? Or are you too busy trying to be like everyone else?

So reflect this week on your uniqueness and figure out who you are and what makes you so special. Because I will tell you, you are special! You are a once in a lifetime experience. So don’t fucking blow it!

It’s your choice…

I love you guys!

Roadhouse, CLB

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Our mission is to plant, grow and serve small (free) workout groups for men for the invigoration of male community leadership.


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