THE MAIZE
Copperfields Park
December 8, 2022
Christmas Vacation” (1989) dir. John Hughes and starring Chevy Chase, Beverly D’Angelo, and Randy Quaid
Weather was absolutely gorgeous. Seriously. I chatted with Kryptonite who has caught my last couple of Qs. He had some nice things to say about my burpee trivia. He did a great job pretending to be surprised when I told him I had never heard someone say that before.
Always great to see Brad Pitt visit us from (technically) down range. He’s more of a dual citizen though. Lincoln Logs helped me count coupons and PAX. He eyeballed it well. We had 34.
Party Cove was an FNG this week at Wild Kingdom and we were excited to welcome him back!
At exactly 5:27AM I hit play on Mavis Staples’ classic title track “Christmas Vacation”. As the song came to a close three minutes later, I started the introduction

This is F3.
Fitness
Fellowship
Faith

This is the Maize.

QIC: Gator.

F3 Mission Statement
Credo
Today’s featured movie is “Christmas Vacation”

5 Core Principles – F3 and Christmas Vacation

  1. Like getting a Christmas gift, we are FREE (just a real nice surprise)
  2. Like Clark Griswold’s pool, we are open to all men (even those that can’t swim)
  3. Like 25,000 imported twinkling Christmas lights, we are always outside (but the lights aren’t twinkling?)
  4. Like the Jelly of the Month club, we are lead in a rotating fashion (The gift that keeps on giving the whole year)
  5. We always end in a COT – not when our shitters are full. (You really should check your shitter.)*
    *Tonight Show and Ketchup correctly called out the Q for digging deep on this one.
    Not a professional. (Obviously). No FNGs.
    Burpee Trivia #1:
    Q: In the movie, The Griswolds drive out to the country and trek through snow to find and cut down The Griswold Family Christmas tree. But what did Clark forget to bring?
    Many PAX must be fans of this movie because they were all over this like a synthetic silicone varnish on a metal sled.
    Stormchaser sounded like he was first off the line with the correct answer.

A: A saw.

Stormchaser led us in Bobby Hurleys x 7

Rifle Carry Coupons to Basketball Court for WoR

WOR
Cherry Pickers x 15IC
Sun Gods x 20IC (forward and back)
Imperial Walkers x 15IC
Ketchup led is in some Michael Phelps x 15IC

Pre-Thang: The Dark Webb (for F3Omaha’s Griswold)
*This is our man Griswold’s favorite pre-thang. He could not join as this morning due to a prior commitment. We missed you, Gris!
Upper Body
1 Merkin and 2 Raise the Roofs
2 Merkins and 4 RTR
… up to 10 Merkins and 20 RTR
Core
1 Big Boy and 2IC American Hammers
2 Big Boys and 4IC AH
…. 10 Big Boys and 20IC AH
Gris is a beast. That was brutal. 10 Count from Tonight Show.
Burpee Trivia #2:
Q: In the movie, after the tree burns down, Clark gets a new tree from his front yard and brings it inside. What animal was later found in the tree?
Ketchup was first on the buzzer.

A: Squirrel!

Ketchup led us in Bobby Hurleys x 7


Circle up. Count off by 4s. Go to your numbered Station.
Just as we started, I put my phone and speaker down so we could have some Christmas background music. I avoided the problem of my phone being too far away from my Bluetooth speaker. I was feeling like Homer Simpson and was singing in my head “I am so smart! S-M-A-R-T!” Little did I know. More on that later.
Tha Thang: Fun Old-Fashioned Family Christmas!
Station #1: COUPONS!
“That’s the gift that keeps on giving the whole year!”
Do one of these exercises each round:
25 Curls
25 Goblet Squats
25 Big Boys
25 Shoulder Press
10 Tricep Extensions
25 Chest Press
25 Upright Rows
10 Kettle Bell Swings
Station #2: FOOD!
“Save the neck for me, Clark!”
Do one of these exercises AMRAP each round and discuss:
YOUR FAVORITE CHRISTMAS FOODS*
Flutterkicks
LBCs
Freddie Mercuries
Box Cutters
Gas Pumpers
Low Dollies
Heels to Heaven
Plank
*In the Q’s group, we were regaled with stories of coconut cake, prime rib, Christmas cookies, chocolate pies, and coffee cake. Shout out and stay strong to all my queenservice guys, especially Mulch and Amadeus!
Station #3: GIFTS
“Just blousing – browsing!”
Do one of these exercises AMRAP each round and discuss:
YOUR FAVORITE GIFTS YOU’VE GIVEN OR RECEIVED
Merkins
Carolina Dry Docks
Alternating Shoulder Taps
Werkins
Mahktar N’djayes
Little Baby Dips
Cherry Pickers
Burpees
*We talked about Tonka Trucks, the Florida Man starter kit, gifts for spouses, and how sometimes a box can be the best gift for a kid!
Station #4: “TAKE IT RUSS!”
Do one of these exercises AMRAP each round and:
SING YOUR FAVORITE CHRISTMAS SONG!
Air Squats
Monkey Humpers
Lunges
Bonnie Blairs
Sumo Squats
Johnny Dramas
Mountain Climbers
Lt. Dans (Lunge each leg, then squat)
*First of all, our man Vlasic (respect) is a man of many talents. You can add silk-smooth Bing Crosby style singer to the list. We sang White Christmas, Jingle Bells, and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer!
OMAHA! (hallelujah!)
Back to the Shovel Flags
Burpee Trivia #3:
Q: In the movie, Aunt Bethany and Uncle Lewis arrive with a few gifts. One present was leaking lime jello, while something was moving inside the other gift. What was it?
The PAX jumped on this one quickly, but it seemed to the Q like Bogey had the edge.

A: A cat!

Bogey led us in Bobby Hurleys x 7


Even though ’tis the season to be Merry, there would be no 6MoM (No, shit).

NAME-O-RAMA:
I noticed my phone was acting a little funny and seemed pretty cold to the touch. We started with Big Unit and then… blank screen. Yep. I am so sm- DOH! Fortunately, former Maize Site Q and F3 Omaha Pax extraordinaire Sasquash (sssh!) was there with his phone and did the Q a serious solid. Thanks, brother!
PAX: (34) Big Unit, Boji, Tonight Show, Gump, Tea Party, Kryptonite, Lincoln Logs (respect x2), Crab Cakes, Stapler, Thor, Vlasic (respect), Pain Killer, Sasquash, Party Cove (welcome back!), Smurf Turf, Copperfield, Snozberry, Smelly Cat, Stormchaser, The Fridge, Obi-Wan, Barn Door, Ketchup, Fine Print, Ice Box, 12 gauge, Jumpstreet, Butta, Brad Pitt (respect x 2), Barbershop, Bogey, Dr. Thunder, Ralphie and Gator.
ANNOUNCEMENTS:
3rd F: Reach out to Boji and Ketchup as they are leading some awesome 3rd F efforts. Check Slack for details or contact Vandelay.
There were some other announcements, but my phone was still nonresponsive. I will do better.
PRAYER REQUESTS:
Pitstop and his M, Mr. Deeds, Urkel, and some unspoken prayers.

COT: Clark W. Griswold, Jr. – the SadClown
I love this movie. I have watched it every year since about the age of 9. Some of the jokes missed me as a kid. Like this exchange between Clark and his Dad:
Clark : Our holidays were always such a mess.
Clark Sr. : Oh, yeah.
Clark : How’d you get through it?
Clark Sr. : I had a lot of help from Jack Daniels.
As a kid, I wondered if Jack Daniels was their neighbor.
As an adult, I see the movie in a different light. Now I see that Clark is a SadClown. He only has one friend at the office and doesn’t get along with his neighbor, Todd. Clark tries hard to be the best husband and father he can be. He puts enormous pressure on himself. I empathize with Clark. I often do the same thing. I try to be the perfect husband and father that never makes a mistake. And all that did was make me end up doing, as Clark’s dad would say “you cocked it up”. So true.
Trying to deal with those mistakes is difficult and it’s not something that men generally share with each other. I have learned that many of us, including me, are bothered by our failures at home and don’t want to talk about them. We just keep telling ourselves we can get better on our own. That didn’t work very well for me.
What has really helped me to do better is a group of men that holds me accountable, but at the same time doesn’t judge me when I mess up. That has been my F3 experience. They want to get better. They want me to get better. Thank you to my brothers that make me better. Love you guys.

With gratitude,
Gator
Tonight Show took us out in prayer.

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