Ghost Writer Backblast
FULL DISCLOSURE: This backblast was not written by Patton or Vandelay. It was written by a silent observer to the beatdown. The names have not been changed to protect the innocent. The guilty will be named. Enjoy.
Oracle Back blast so far – – 11/28/2020, The Oracle 0600 AO
PAX: Water Boy, Convey, Tuna Fish, Doppler, DaVinchi(Respect Respect) Tube Socks, Pantyhose, Armbar, Road House, Thor, The Big One, Slow Pitch, A-Bomb, Scrapper, Vandelay (Respect) Buns of Steel, Tonight Show, U-haul, Tater Tot, The Plague, Wait Time
Q – Patton
It was a beautiful 32 degree morning just ripe for Patton’s Punishment. The moon was full and huge in the west sky. Patton welcomed the 22 PAX members. He covered the mission statement, core principles, and disclaimer. As he covered the 5 core principles, my mind wandered to the first time I met Patton. He had long hair, a long beard and was burley. I remembered being a little afraid of him. He was rough around the edges. Today he stood in front of me slim and trim. His beard trimmed and his hair looking like that of a boy band member. He was a gorgeous man. I couldn’t help but be proud of all the work Patton had done. He epitomized what F3 was all about. Once the welcome was over, Patton ordered us to mosey…
He took us east, straight up the hill. There was chatter along the way. The pre-runners chatted about their run. There was a story about Subarus and the stereotype around those who owned them. The group seemed to be in a good, light hearted mood. Little did we know, that was about to change.
We reached the parking lot and circled up for Warm-a-rama. Patton shouted out instructions. 15 SSH. 15 Tater Taps. 10 Cherry Pickers IC. 10 Rope Swings each direction. Rope Swings were a rare exercise. They made me warm in my loins. I tried to contain my physical excitement. Not sure I was successful.
Luckily, Patton ended the Rope Swings and had us count off into 4 groups. He directed us to one of four stations. Each one had the same list of exercises. It was the 7 of diamonds. Seemed simple, even innocent. It was neither. The beatdown would consist of reps divisible by 7. We would do 4 rounds of each one and then move to the next. 7 burpees. 14 Merkins. 21 Bobby Hurleys. 28 SSH.
After 28 Burpees I was already gassed. 56 Merkins did not help the situation. 84 Bobby Hurleys seemed aggressive and 112 SSH were just bullshit. The only thing keeping me going was a terrific group and some stimulating mumble chatter. The chatter turned to movies and we covered Teen Wolf and “the most underrated movie of all time” MacGruber.
We got through everything and started back at the top with the Burpees. After 3 stations of those, Omaha was called. My body immediately relaxed and felt relief. Then I heard it. Patton yelled from the top of the parking lot, “alright guys, that was the Pre Thang…” I’m sorry… what did he just say? Did he just say the Pre Thang? WTF??? That was a full fledged beatdown.
Patton ordered us to mosey back down to the school to the abandoned road. My pride for him had turned to disgust over this pre thang situation. We arrived at the road and circled back up. Patton told us to stay in our groups and split into two groups within each group. One group would run to the “far bar” by the school and do 20 Dips while the other group did a set of exercises AMRAP until the other group returned. Once again, it seemed simple. I jogged towards the school and did 20 dips and headed back. The first exercise was Merkins. After 30 of these, I looked up and our second group wasn’t even close to back. Yikes. The AMRAP part of this beatdown was brutal.
The second round was SSH. A new PAX member appeared out of the trees. It was Big One. We all know Big One could be late on occasion but this was aggressive. We were 40 minutes into this thing… I loved his moxy. And candidly, it was just great to see him. The Big One is one of the best human beings I know.
We finished out the Thang with Diamond Merkins and Monkey Humpers. I was cashed. Thankfully, Omaha was called. We moseyed back to the Shovel Flags and started Mary.
10 Oh Yeahs with each arm and Rancid style American Hammers. A perfect way to end.
Patton called it and started Name-a-rama. The Big One opted to participate in Name-a-rama. God damn I love this guy’s moxy. He is fearless…
Prayers for Doppler and his family for the loss of his uncle.
Patton read a simple quote that resonates deeply for him. “A genuine leader is not a searcher for consensus but a molder of consensus” – Martin Luther King Jr. A true leader is not someone that follows the crowd. A true leader creates a following of people that share the same vision that is aligned with their mission and purpose.
Patton led us out in prayer. (edited)
It was a terrific morning. The group was outstanding. Patton was as good as he had ever been. F3 omaha had again done its job, fulfilled the men who attended.