Golden Spike: The Slaughter House

Golden Spike AO | Friday, June 26, 2020 | Burke High School |79 degrees partly cloudy

29 brave randos took the red pill this morning and found their way to Golden Spike, unlike those sad clowns who took the blue pill and went to the Toolshed for a lay down Q’d by Brazilian. One FNG (Dan Tefft aka La-Z-Boy) was welcomed to the group

VQ: Sgt. Slaughter

PAX (29): Slow Pitch, Saul, Vandelay (respect), Stogie, Hooska, Pablo, Thermo, Tug Boat, Blue Suede, Tuna Fish, Birdman, LPC, Wait Time, Toto, Scrapper, Bone Crusher, King Pin, Nemo, Crab Cakes, Riverdance, Wax On, Hog, The Plague, Roadhouse, Buns of Steel, Big One, Patton, La-Z-Boy (FNG), Sgt. Slaughter

WARM-A-RAMA:

PAX moseyed to the parking lot for warm-a-rama.

Windmills x 15 IC | Tappy Taps x 15 IC | Imperial Walkers x 15 IC | Cherry Pickers x 15 IC | Sun Gods x 20 IC (10F – 10B)

PAX moseyed to the hill.

As the PAX crested the hill, they noticed green chem lights at the bottom of the hill. Sgt. Slaughter gathered the PAX by the chem lights and welcomed them to the Slaughter House. He oriented them to the amenities of the Slaughter House which included a large hill to the South and West. Slaughter informed the PAX that the green chem lights were the start/finish line. PAX were to perform a series of exercises as directed at the chem lights or to the bottom of the hill. Upon reaching the bottom of the hill, PAX were instructed to sprint up the hill. If at any time Sgt. Slaughter shouted “take the hill”, PAX were required to stop what they were doing and sprint up the hill and back down.

Sgt. Slaughter went over the one rule of the Slaughter House, which is you must always be inflicting pain on yourself. If for some unknown reason a HIM found himself idle, or simply need a moment to reflect on his life choices, he was instructed find an uncomfortable position to place himself in such as a plank or half squat.

Finally, Slaughter went over the safe word at the Slaughter House which was “mayday.” Any HIM that was injured or in distress and required assistance from another HIM was instructed to shout “mayday.”

PRE-THANG: No time for that.

THE THANG:

Sgt. Slaughter instructed the PAX to find their starting positions, then the beat down began. After several minutes, it became clear that Slaughter did not take his medication this morning. The pace was rapid and fierce. He just kept screaming out exercise after exercise and taking the PAX up the hill.

The exercises in no particular order or quantity included: Double Merkin Burpees x ? | Burpees x ? | Bear Crawls | Iron Mikes x ?| Bodybuilders x ? | Air Dramas x ? | Hand-release Merkins x ? | Alternating Shoulder Taps x ? | Control Freak Merkins x ? | Various Planks | Flutter Kicks x ? | LBCs x ?| Side-to-Sides x ? | Modified Vacuum Cleaners | Drill Sergeants | Low Crawls |Burpees x ? | Burpees x ? | More Burpees x ?|

After about 15 minutes into the chaos, the first HIM shouted out “mayday” and requested a 10-count. Sgt. Slaughter was pleased. Shortly after, Slaughter called out Vacuum Cleaners as the next exercise. Saul, a man of law and order, informed Slaughter that touching was against the rules. This displeased Sgt. Slaughter who proceeded to mumble profanities under his breath.

The beat down continued, and the PAX were frequently checking their watches to see when the agony was going to end, but they endured the flux. Slaughter, a merciful Q, dialed things down for a moment with some core so he and the men could catch their breath for the final debauchery.

The last push consisted of Drill Sergeants followed by a low crawl up the hill. The PAX were excited to finally lay flat on the ground, but quickly learned how difficult low crawling is. Slaughter, proud of what the PAX had just accomplished, offered some reprieve half way up the hill with a 10-count. Civilian life is making him soft.

Upon cresting the hill, the PAX moseyed to the parking lot for Mary.

MARY:

| Windshield Wipers x 30 IC | 6-inches | Starfish Crunches x 10 IC |

ANNOUNCEMENTS:

TOP ROPE AO LAUNCH (Convergence). Next Wednesday, July 1, we will launch a new bootcamp Wednesday AO, Top Rope. Eventually, this workout will occur at Boys Town. Until Boys Town reopens, it will be held at Aldrich Elementary. T-claps to site Q, Arm Bar.

PATRIOT GAMES CSAUP on July 4. The third annual PATRIOT GAMES CSAUP (Completely Stupid And Utterly Patriotic) workout will be held at Aldrich Elementary on July 4. Two offerings will occur 5:30 AM and 7 AM.

WEIGHT-LOSS CHALLENGE: Tug Boat is looking for HIMs who would like to participate in a weight-loss challenge. See Tug Boat for details.

PRAYERS:

One HIM has a friend who recently overdosed. He and his family are not doing well. Please keep them in your prayers.

Birdman gave a prayer of thanks for having Sgt. Slaughter in his life as a shield lock. A couple of HIM began to giggle suggesting Slaughter might tear up. Little do they know, Sgt. Slaughter is incapable of producing tears. Over the years, his body has been forced to adapt by redirecting his tear ducts to his sweat glands.

COT:

Sgt. Slaughter simply read the quote:

“We know way too many words of wisdom, but perform all too few actions of wisdom.” ― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

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