THE ORACLE VARISTY BACKBLAST: MURDER

June 8, 2019, Boys Town, AO- The Oracle, a beautiful 70 degrees.

Pax: Khakis (Respect!), Trademark, Polaroid, Hard Hat, Bloodshot, Slowwww Pitch, Gipper, Lucky Charms, TC (Respect!), Waffle House (Respect!), CSI, Blue Suede, Safe Ride, a.k.a Slowwww Ride, Etch-a-Sketch, Folsom.

Q: Folsom                     

Folsom and Tater Tot took the double Q to a whole new level today. Both beatdowns included coupons. Folsom named his Murder. Tot gave the welcome, the mission statement, and the disclaimer, then yielded to Folsom for the warmorama.

Warm O’ Rama

  • Short mosey
  • Seal Claps ICx15
  • Tapy Taps ICx12
  • Jump Tucks 10
  • Sobriety Style Sun Gods, ICx10, forwards, switch feet, backwards
  • 10 Jump Tucks
  • Hill Billy Squats ICx12
  • 10 Jump Tucks

Pre-Thang 1: Do-ah-diddy!

Folsom handpicked 15 of the baddest PAX to join him on a trip to prison. First, he put the PAX in a single file line and had them mosey towards the Farmer’s market. But this wasn’t a simple mosey, it was Do-ah-diddy! (Folsom has no idea why it’s called this and the Exicon didn’t offer an explanation) Do-ah-diddy = 1st PAX in the mosey line peels off, does 10 Merkins, planks until the line of PAX has moseyed passed him, then catches up to the back of the line and proudly calls out, “6!” Upon hearing this call, the next PAX leading the line does the same. The PAX arrived at their destination before everyone got a chance to peel off, but the ones who didn’t get to do it on the run, dropped right there and did their 10 Merkins without prompting.  Folsom couldn’t be prouder, but couldn’t help but wonder if they knew what was coming if they would have voluntarily done more Merkins. 

The Thang: Prison Cell!

Once the PAX arrived at the Farmer’s Market area of The Oracle grounds, Folsom showed them the four cones representing the four walls of the prison cell most of Johnny Cash’s characters either ended up or started out in.

1st Cone was surrounded by eight 45 lbs. coupons, four men would carry these, farmer’s walk style (Johnny grew up a farmer), around the perimeter of the prison cell, once they completed the lap they would be the push that would move the groups around the 4 cones.

2nd Cone had a list of four exercises. First time at the cone do only the first exercise, second time, second exercise, etc.

  1. Square Merkins (each PAX puts his feet on another PAX’s back with the four men forming a square, then doing Merkins in unison)
  2. Booyah! Merkins (named after Stuart Scott, this is Merkins done facing a partner, after each Merkin, the partners tap each other on the shoulder and exclaim, “Booyah!)
  3. Spider Man Merkins
  4. Clap Merkins

3rd Cone was simply labeled burpees.

4th Cone had a healthy mix of miserable exercises.

  1. Back to Back people’s chair with cherry pickers
  2. Dying Cyclone High 5’s (elbow plank facing partner and alternate high 5’s)
  3. Monkey Humpers
  4. Casket Kickers (like flutter kicks, only with arms folder over your chest and shoulders off the ground)

Folsom took mercy on the PAX and called Omaha after 8 trips around the four corners of the cell. (That’s 8 sets of burpees and farmer’s walk, if you’re math challenged)

6 MoM

The PAX Do-Ah-diddy’ed back to the shovelflag area for some core action. 

  1. Sweat Angels ICx15
  2. Heel touches ICx15
  3. Reverse LBC ICx16
  4. American Hammer ICx20

Announcements: Next Oracle, Saturday, the 15th, will be a special Father’s Day Beatdown, bring your 2.0’s. Folsom let his fartsack last year and after working out with Brazilian’s 2.0, Folsom regretted it. Don’t be a Folsom, get the 2.0’s out of bed and bring them next week. You’ll all love it. 

Prayers: Prayers were given for Wait Time and his family as well as the brothers’ honey, Honey Stinger and Honey Badger as their mother goes through brain cancer treatment. 

Mumblechatter: There was a surprisingly large amount of mumblechatter heard today. First, before even beginning the beatdown, a scream of “NO!” was heard when Folsom picked his unlucky 15. During the beatdown someone actually threatened Folsom with “prison revenge.” Also during the beatdown Blue Suede made a coupon explode just with just his hands and powerful stare down. Post beat down, names were forgotten during namarma and everyone agreed a killer beatdown was served up prison style!

COT: Folsom was listening to rap this week, like he often does, when he realized a lot of the songs were about murder. He thought that would make a good beatdown mixtape, nothing like some murder raps to get you pumped to do a lot of Merkins! Of course, Folsom also thought of Johnny Cash, who actually released an album called Murder. When Folsom sees people in orange jumpsuits and shackles every day at work it’s also easy to think of the consequences for murder: prison. So there’s the theme, but here comes the message:

“I wore black because I liked it. I still do, and wearing it still means something to me. It’s still my symbol of rebellion — against a stagnant status quo, against our hypocritical houses of God, against people whose minds are closed to others’ ideas.” 
― Johnny Cash

Folsom couldn’t help but think F3 chose black for its shirts and flags for the same reasons. Every morning we rally against the status quo. We don’t drink a 12 pack on Friday night and wake up when the sun is warm. We go to bed early and sober and wake up before the sunrise to get beatdown. We rebel against the norm and we do it to make the world a better place, not just for ourselves but our families, and everyone around us. Keep Grinding.

Aye- Folsom

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